The struggles that no one sees
It’s 1:57 am on Wednesday morning and I am up “working”. My child is sitting at the bottom of my computer desk having a temper tantrum because I won’t allow her to play in my sister’s purse. But what’s really happening….. I’m freaking screaming, screeching and crying in my head! Why? Because I am TIRED! I am tired of putting in the “work” and not getting out of it what I need! This is called instant gratification, got dam it I want instant gratification. I want it now! I know it seems like I’m the one having a temper tantrum, truth is.. Yes, I am! I’m having a tantrum because my bills are due… way over freaking due! My birthday is coming and I can’t even buy myself something nice. Whose fault is it? No one but my dam self! There are plenty of people succeeding in life and where am I. I’m stuck in the revolving door of consistent in action. Is it driven by fear? Maybe.. Is it driven by feelings of inadequacy? Who knows? I know I can follow the mold and write te beautiful post, with beautiful sock photos but this is my reality! These are the things that haunt me at night and keep me awake.
I took the leap and started my business 10 months ago! 10 months, not one client. No, I’m not being ungrateful. I’m speaking my truth. I should be so much further. But that’s all words nnit? Action? That’s where I’m stuck…